i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
