she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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