Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
