Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
