I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
