Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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