Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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