You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
