I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
