The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
