My first STD was from a foam party
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
