No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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