Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
