i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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