Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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