I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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