How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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