my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
