I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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