he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
