i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize