Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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