I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
