Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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