Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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