someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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