Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
