she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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