Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize