i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
