he wants to bone in the snuggie
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize