Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize