you didnt know i had herpes?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
