By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
