The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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