he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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