PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
