Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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