Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize