if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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