I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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