Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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