i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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