How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
