i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
