the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
