I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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