I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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