How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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