im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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