jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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