Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
