she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why can't burritos get me drunk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
