I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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