I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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