just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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