Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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