I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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