i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
