Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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