I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
