im drinking this country out of the recession.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
