No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
