Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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