No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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