I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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