You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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