Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
