Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
