i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
