And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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