i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
