the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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