i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You are the jesus of drinking
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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