I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
