His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hippo gnu deer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize