What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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