I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
