Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
