I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
