I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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