just tell him i said nine months
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
