Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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