I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
