Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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