I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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