also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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